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Working Mom & Mental Health

I want to start this by first saying that no matter what your decision, you’re right. I’ve seen so many moms battle with this decision. Do I go back to work and let someone else watch my child? Or do I just stay home full time? Either way is just fine. I know stay at home moms, and I know moms who work full time. Either way it’s hard. Being a mom is a full time job in itself, except there’s no PTO, no vacation days, no days off period. So to add another job on top of that can be even more stressful for some. For others, that other job is a break from the 24/7 role of motherhood. 8 hours of engaging with someone and something other than mom life. Yet, there’s the other side, where some moms can’t imagine being away from their babes. Cannot imagine anyone else caring for them. It’s a real fear. I know, i’ve had it myself. I see both sides of this. I’ve been that mom who was afraid and sad to leave the baby in very capable hands for work. But I also relish in having time away to focus my brain on other things. This decision affects the mental health of a lot of moms.

I know it did for me and I consider myself lucky. When I made the decision, I decided to work part time, 3 days a week. I work Monday, Wednesday and Friday. That way I have Tuesday, Thursday and the weekend to spend with my little love. On top of working only part time, I get to work from home still due to covid. I can sneak down at any point in the day for kisses and a smile. I get to spend my lunch break snuggling him. But at the same time, when I am working upstairs, I can hear him crying sometimes. Every ounce of my mom instincts wants to run to him, but often I can’t because i’m with a client. I immediately get a rush of depression like symptoms that I’m working instead of with him. I also find myself peeking in on the security camera. I see him smiling and laughing and playing with either my husband or my mom. I get a serious case of FOMO in those instances. I also have anxiety about him being without me. I know that my mom and husband are more than capable of taking care of him, but we do things a certain way. I always laugh at myself because especially at night, when my husband is home I say, “why don’t you do the night feed tonight?” But then if he does, I still find myself going in there to make sure he’s swaddled right, and the bottle is made right, etc. Then as my husband feeds him and gets him back to sleep, I lay in bed with anxiety wondering if he’s doing it our usual way. There are days that with every ounce of my being I want to be a stay at home mom.

But on the flip side, i’m beyond thankful for my work. When I was deciding my major in graduate school, I was conflicted. Mental Health Counseling. It doesn’t pay a whole lot, it’s very high stress, am I sure I want to do this? But throughout the last 4 years of doing it, I know I made the right choice. To me, a career was something that I needed to love, something that gave me purpose; counseling does that. Even on my worst days, I can say, I did something good for someone else today. I helped someone today. That’s what’s important to me. Even now, I miss my little, but I really enjoy working with my clients again. I love when a client gets into a session and I can hear their anxiety and by the end they’re calm and telling me thank you. I hang up the phone knowing that I am making a difference. Yes it’s stressful. When you work with people with depression that won’t break or anxiety that won’t release its grip, bipolar that won’t regulate it’s hard. That’s what flips the stay at home mom switch on. But I don’t know how I would be complete if I wasn’t a counselor. It’s part of me. Plus,
I think my work reminds me everyday that I need to be an example for my son. I want to ensure that he is raised being as culturally competent, educated and kind to the world and everyone who he engages with. This has become an even more important aspect given the state of the world these days. My work makes sure that I am doing my best to love this way and be that example for him. 

Every day, I flip back and forth. Do I want to stay home? Do I want to work? What’s the right choice? Truth is there isn’t a right or wrong choice. It’s what’s best for you. I think at this point in my life, I need to be working. Because after a long day, coming down to my little and seeing that smile brings me back to life. But then if he has a tough day, I know that every other day, I get a break from mom life for a few hours. I get to do something else I truly love. I believe that my own depression and anxiety are always going to fluctuate with this. I think it’s natural. Being a mom is a tough job, and adding anything else can make it harder. The most important thing is, doing what’s right for you. If that’s staying home full time, amazing. If that’s working full time or part time, amazing! 

At the end of the day you need to be happy. With a happy mom comes a happy baby. So for all the moms out there, you’re doing amazing; and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! 

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