My Birth Not Plan

Yes, I was one of those pregnant women that wanted to control everything. Especially with regard to labor and delivery. It bothered me so much that I had 0 control over when my little man would arrive in this world. I tried to plan the best that I could, starting with work and what my ideal birth plan would look like. I remember thinking to myself, i’m a counselor, I deal with crisis, I meditate daily, I literally teach people breathing techniques at least 3x a day. I got this! Well nothing really went as I had planned. I made plans to do my birthing classes at 36, 37 and 38 weeks of pregnancy. I remember sharing in my birth class how I wanted to have choices and be able to control what I could. Something I teach my clients daily, be in control of only what you can and let the rest go. My ideal birth plan was to have essential oils going, a dark room, soothing music, doing meditation and having everything be super peaceful. I wanted nothing to do with an epidural, as I am terrified of not being able to move. I wanted to labor in a tub, but my hospital didn’t have one, but there was the shower. I wanted to be moving as much as possible to cope with pain. All this was in my head as I left my second birth class. Monday, September 14th, I woke up and said “Yes! Last Week Of Work!” I had my usual weekly doctors appointment before work that day, 38 Weeks. My doctor told me that I was 100% effaced, baby was head down and in position and I was still 1cm dilated. I had no signs of labor except a few random contractions here and there. My doctor said “Don’t worry, when it happens it’s gonna happen fast.” I got home and started working from home. I decided that all day while working 12pm - 8pm, I would sit and bounce on the exercise ball. About 4:30pm I went to the bathroom and there was at least part of my mucus plug! I said okay okay I know this means nothing, it could still be weeks! I finished up work that night, took a shower and went to bed. I woke up the next morning at 3:15am to use the bathroom. Baby boy was in a weird spot and I pushed him around a little to alleviate pressure. I remember half asleep saying out loud to myself and the universe, “if something is going to happen, just give me a few more hours of sleep.” Well at least I got that! 3 hours later at 6:15am I rolled over in bed and my water broke. I called my husband and told him that the doctor said to head in but don’t rush if i’m not having contractions. I remember thinking, well looks like my plan to finish off work this week isn’t happening. Looks like my last birth class isn’t happening. We packed the car and arrived to the hospital around 7am. I was checked and was at 3cm dilated. I was admitted around 10am. They decided to let me labor on my own for a few hours since I was having good contractions at that point. I was doing so well. I was on the exercise ball, breathing and managing pain. Then the nurse came in and said “you’re not progressing as fast as we’d like so we’re gonna start pitocin.” I said okay fine. They started it slowly and man I felt it a little more. A few hours later they came in and turned it up. After about 20 minutes my pain was unbearable. I was having contractions every minute and they were lasting 45 seconds each. I felt the contraction come down just to feel the next one starting. I was trying my best to breathe and manage but it was too hard. I asked to be checked as I really hated the idea of an epidural. They checked and said 4cm. I cried. I looked at my husband next to me and said, “I can’t do this another 6cm.” He said, I support whatever you want to do and i’m right here. The nurse and midwife in my room were amazing. They both sat down and said “what scares you about an epidural?” I stated my concerns and they talked me through the whole thing. They even talked to the anesthesiologist about my concerns before he even came into the room. I asked for the epidural. While we were waiting, my nurse walked me through the entire process. When the anesthesiologist came in, he talked to me, told me about what he was going to do. As he was working, the nurse said every step he was doing while comforting me. It was so fast and barely hurt. After 10 minutes I was so calm and relaxed. I remember the nurse saying “did you feel that one?” I said “I had a contraction?” It was a huge relief. A different nurse came in to take over and the doctor came in about a half hour later. They said you’re at 7cm! I went from 4 to 7 in a half hour. The doctor said “take a nap and when you wake up we’ll have a baby!” I woke up, they checked and said yep you’re at 10! I called my husband who was getting food from the cafeteria and said get up here! After a half hour of pushing they had me take a break as I wasn’t feeling the contractions. I took another nap and at that point I could feel the pressure from the contractions. After an hour of pushing my sweet Caleb Michael was born. I remember pushing and everyone encouraging me. The moment they broke down the bed was a moment of clarity for me. I said “okay I know he is close now.” I remember that last push, my eyes were closed and I was so focused on it. Then the doctor said “stop pushing, look down, look at your baby.” The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was him being placed in my chest. It was the most amazing moment of my life. The hours that followed were just the best bonding with our little love. The staff I had made the experience so much better even though it was nothing that I had planned. My advice for any mom to be is this. Don’t even bother with a birth plan. It’s okay to have an idea of what you want, but keep an open mind and just let go. Take control of what you can in each and every moment as it comes, but let go of things you can’t control. Also, one thing my mother told me that day, there’s no heroes in giving birth. You do what’s best for you in that situation, and every situation. Life never goes as planned, so we just have to adapt and accept.